


diversions

by retrogaymer



Series: its not always love when touching them gives you an electric shock [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Internalized Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 17:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14794707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/retrogaymer/pseuds/retrogaymer
Summary: The SQUIP lets go of Rich's body again, and Rich doesn't try to undo the damage. When the bell rings for recess, he stays put - watches the red hoodie pack up his things in a hurry and dart for the door, steps fast and concentrated.Rich waits until everyone leaves, knows that he has to.“I imagine you already know why I had to step in.”Rich nods.“This seems like it might become a problem, Richard.”





	diversions

Rich can feel his heartbeat going at a million beats per minute, his mouth running on anxiety and excitement - and some supercomputer-induced confidence. He's at the popular kids’ lunch table, he's telling a story and they're smiling _,_ and he's never felt more exhilarated in his life.

 **“You're doing great, Richard,”** the SQUIP encourages him, gives him the extra bit of courage needed to end the story the ambitious way he wanted. Everybody bursts into laughter, and Rich sits back with a grin on his face, glances across the table -

feels his breath catch in his throat and nearly chokes on it.

Jake Dillinger is among the people losing their shit and - geez, Rich could tell that he was, like, _objectively_ hot, but this is the first time Rich realizes that _subjectively,_ he's possibly the most gorgeous motherfucker Rich has ever seen in his life.

Especially when he's laughing, and when he's laughing at something Rich said. His eyes are a deep, charming shade of olive brown, and he's got two small freckles that make his right dimple look like a frowny face when he's smiling. His left hand is on the table, the other one slung around Chloe Valentine's shoulders, and as he studies the two silver rings Jake wears, Rich suddenly finds himself wishing to be in her place.

And then, he feels a shock go through his whole body, has to clench his fists to not yelp or spasm from the abrupt, sharp voltage of pain that shoots down his spine from his neck.

**“Bathroom. Right now.”**

Rich gulps at the command - quickly makes an excuse to the table, scampers off to find an empty stall. Once he does, the SQUIP appears in front of him, in one of it's human forms. Today, it's that one actor Rich can never remember the name of, but is vaguely reminiscent of his father, which makes him instinctively shrink to seem as small as he can.

 **“What was that?”** It demands, towers over Rich's figure pressed against the door.

“W-what, what was what?” Rich stutters out - gets another shock, but more minor than the last.

 **“Stutter** **_and_ ** **lisp. Keep it together, Richard. Why were you looking at Jake Dillinger like that?”**

Rich swallows a lump in his throat, diverts his eyes. “I don't know. Was I looking at him any different?”

**“Don't play dumb with me, Richard. I saw your brief daydream. I'm inside your brain, remember.”**

Rich's eyes are on the ground now, between his nervously shuffling feet. “Well- what's the problem?”

 **“You know very well what the problem is. You can't be having thoughts like that about boys, Richard. It's detrimental to your goal of popularity - not to mention,** **_getting a girlfriend._ ** **”**

“Are you saying I'm not allowed to be -” Rich starts in a snort, is about to say _that_ word, the three letter one, when he realizes just what it is he's saying and nearly feels his heart jump out of his throat. He stops in his tracks, lets out a staggered breath.

He's not gay. He can't be. He likes _girls,_ for fucks sake! Whatever that shit with Jake was - it was in his imagination, it's _over,_ he doesn't like boys. Never will.

The SQUIP watches his face journey silently, until they've come to the same conclusion. **“I see we're on the same page. Good. We can rejoin the table now.”**

Rich nods, shuffles out of the bathroom, one more scar forming along his spine.

Three days later, he gets a new one.

He's in math class, zoning out like cool kids should, when someone next to him taps him on the shoulder - and when Rich turns to look at him, he feels like all the air gets knocked out of his lungs.

He doesn't know the other kids name, only really vaguely recognizes him - but he has round, brown glasses and a cute nose and a bit of a sideways grin that somehow looks good even with braces, and if it weren't for the shock Rich gets along his spine, he probably would've been too dazed to even catch what the red hoodie was saying to him.

“Hey - do you have a pencil I could borrow?” He asks, slightly leaned towards Rich, voice low and sheepish. Rich's tongue is numb - so the SQUIP takes over, twists his expression into a mocking smirk.

“What do you think, loser?” Rich's voice says for him, and the look of confused hurt on the others face makes him want to recoil. But he can't, the SQUIP has locked him in place, so instead he's stuck just watching the boy mutter out a quiet apology as he pulls back. He tugs on a white pair of headphones, flips the red hood over his head.

The SQUIP lets go of Rich's body again, and Rich doesn't try to undo the damage. When the bell rings for recess, he stays put - watches the red hoodie pack up his things in a hurry and dart for the door, steps fast and concentrated.

Rich waits until everyone leaves, knows that he has to.

**“I imagine you already know why I had to step in.”**

Rich nods.

**“This seems like it might become a problem, Richard.”**

Rich pulls a sour face, crosses his arms. “What are we supposed to do about it?”

**“What already has been happening, I suppose - but. We need an extra step, to draw suspicion from the obvious. You're not very subtle, with all your staring.”**

Rich frowns. “What, then?”

**“Follow that kid to his locker.”**

Rich is hesitant, but chooses not to question it, just swings his backpack over his shoulder and hits the halls, keeping an eye out for the red hoodie. He spots it after not much searching, which hits him as a mild surprise - if that happened to him last year, he'd be hiding. But the red hoodie is out in plain sight, leaned against some lockers with another guy from their grade. Tall, pale, awkward-looking, keeps tugging at the sleeves of his cardigan.

“What now?” Rich asks, staying somewhat out of sight to not scare them away.

**“Now you let me handle it.”**

And then Rich isn't in control of his limbs anymore, just watches them march towards the pair in a confident stride.

“Hey, headphones!” His voice calls out, and the red hoodie barely has time to react before Rich's body is slamming him against the locker. “What makes you think a guy like you has the right to ask me for anything, huh?”

The red hoodie doesn't answer, mostly just looks bewildered and scared - exchanges a look with the blue cardigan. Rich glances over at him, and snorts at the fact that he looks even more terrified than the red hoodie.

“Why are you so anxious? ...Scared I'll hurt your _boyfriend,”_ Rich gives the red hoodie a shove to demonstrate, “tall-ass?”

The blue cardigan flushes up even more, and Rich isn't sure if it's from anger or embarrassment or all of the above. “H-he's-, he's not -” he starts - decides it isn't worth it with a shake of his head. “Why are you doing this?”

Rich looks back at the red hoodie, gives him another hard push. “To prove a point,” he hisses, then lets go, takes a step back, and then Rich is in control of his body again. And again, he doesn't try to repair the damages. Instead he turns around, stomps away with the same confident stride the SQUIP brought him there in.

**Author's Note:**

> i am having some feelings about rich goranski on this day


End file.
